Doug and I just completed an eight day vacation together, alone.  Don't get me wrong, Doug and I travel a lot, but we are usually traveling with friends or family or visiting friends and family.  Every now and then a side trip for a day,  But for us to plan a Hawaiian cruise, just the two of us, for eight days, in a small cabin.....well that seemed a little scary. 

We had been contemplating, as many couples do in semi-retirement,  if we shared any interest now.  When we met we had common ground of being divorced with children to raise.  We were both wrapped up in similar careers with much to talk about when we got home.  This kept us busy for the first 10 years or so.  Then the differences crept in. 

Doug loves living in the large cabin we built overlooking Lake Burton and the Smokey Mountains.  He loves the fact he can go days with only his TV to listen to and Luke the dog to listen to him. He loves that it is twelve miles to the nearest small town.  Even if I am there, we can get lost in the house and only see each other at meals and bedtime.
 
I on the other hand love my condo on Piedmont Park.  I walk to restaurants, the bank, the theater and grocery stores. Caroline lives at the condo and Grace works down the street.  Alyson and Andy live minutes away with my beautiful granddaughters.  Tracey even pops into town every now and then on a business trip.  There are thousands of restaurants to meet up with my many friends and always new acquaintances to make. 

Doug and I don't agree on politics, news stations or movies to see.  I like active entertainment, he prefers passive watching.

So you can see why it was a bit daunting for both of us to face the dilemma of entertaining each other for days, on a boat, at sea......

To make matters worse, Doug discovered that the only TV on the boat appeared to be a Japanese movie channel and constant reruns of the wonders of Norwegian Cruise Lines.  The internet was very slow and cost 75 cents a minute.  What was a couple to do?

Doing Maui by Segway

Touring McKinsey State Park on the Big Island

Zip-lines through the tree top of Kauai

Walking the newest beach in the world created by lava flows on the island of Hawaii

Oh yes, we did some of this too!

 

With a heavy heart!

It has been almost a week and I can't shake the sadness that has taken over since I heard the verdict from the Trayvon Martin trial.  Oh yes, I have heard all the legal discussion as to how this was the only verdict that could have been reached, but that doesn't help.  My Dad always told me that being an adult was being responsible for your actions.  As a child you have a little leeway, but as an adult, you are fully in charge of your actions.

There was only one adult.  And the consequences of his actions caused the death of a child.

I have heard arguments that Trayvon wearing a hoodie was somewhat responsible for his demise. Is that not the same argument that has been used for years in defense of rapist....that the female was dressed provocatively?

People want to say it was not a question of race, but would the same thing have happened on a rainy night if a white 17 year old had been walking down the sidewalk with a sweatshirt on and the hood over his head?  Would Zimmerman have called the operator to report his suspicions and then stalked the child with his gun?  I know that statically black teenagers are more than 7 times as likely to commit a crime as a white teenager.  But there were no crimes reported that evening.

I can't understand the verdict or even more importantly I can't accept what this means.  
I can't accept people that  want to argue the fairness of the verdict.  I will not accept this. We can't accept this! 

Second time, Shame on Me

While attending the seventieth birthday party for a lovely friend of mine on Charlie Mountain this past weekend, I was once again the target of extreme ridicule for being a Democrat.  While sitting on the porch with neighbors, I was ambushed with questions:

"Why do you feel it necessary to keep giving handouts to the 48% of people on the government dole?"

I was one of the FEW people in attendance NOT receiving Medicare benefits and free prescription drugs!   I guess my elderly neighbors have not come to realize that they are included in this identified group of "deadbeats."

"Before LBJ people survived hard times on their own without government assistance".  

They did? Let's look back at a time when the President of the United States decided to let fiscal events run their course.  Herbert Hoover was a strong individualist that believed the downturn in the economy would right itself within 60 days.  Here are a few facts from the outcome of his decision:

• 1,000 homes foreclosed each day 
• Hospitals reported an increase in death from starvation.  Boris Borisov, a history researcher estimates (based on analyzing US population, birth and death rates, immigration and emigration) the US lost over seven million people during the famine of 1932 and 1933.
• Average rate of death by suicide (per 100,000 population)
  
  1929: 18.1
  1930-1940: 15.4
• Working women were openly discriminate against and usually lost their jobs.  Section 213 of the Economic Recovery Act of 1932 stated that any married person whose spouse worked for the federal government should be fired first.  State and local governments and school boards refused to hire married women. Collages urged female graduates not to seek work. 

Who are the individuals most benefiting from the social reforms introduced by LBJ? You got it SENIORS!  In 1963 most elderly Americans had no health insurance and very few retirement plans provided healthcare coverage.  Since 1965, 79 million Americans have signed up for Medicare. Poverty levels for senior citizens has dropped to around 10%, the lowest level for any category.    

And while life expectancy for seniors has done nothing but increased during the past twenty years, the number of newborn deaths each year puts the US at 41st worldwide in health care rating for infants and their mothers.  

Are you a pacifist?  You don't own a gun.  Would you defend your family if attacked?  

I have never owned a gun because I have a temper and believe it best I'm not packing heat.
However,  looking back, I do see I lost an incredible opportunity to whip out my six shooter and rid the world of a room full of government freeloaders.:-)

If the Shoe Fits

Doug, my dear husband, does not like the idea that in my last post I said if you are a "birther", or questioning the education of or the civility, or sending mean spirited emails daily about our current President that you are a racist.  Sorry....but if the shoe fits.

WE all have deep seed racist or stereotype concepts  that are a part of our upbringing. We have ideas that Asians are smart, Germans are hard-working, Latins are hot tempered.  And for many, it appears that if a black man can rise to be President at a young age, well something has to be amiss somewhere, he just can't be that smart.

During the last few years of the Bush administration it became apparent to all that we as a nation had been misled into a war for questionable reasons.  We ran up insurmountable debt as we quickly learned that current military tactics did not work against these middle eastern countries.  They just didn't follow our rules!  The interest on this debt is crippling us today. 

BUT people at cocktail parties and in the middle of dinner parties did not foam at the mouth and announce loudly they "hated George W. Bush".  People disagreed with decisions he made, they shook their heads in disgust, but they did not question if he were the real son of George Bush Sr.  They didn't crawl into the cesspool of inconsequential, mindless dribble (yes I know Doug what word I am using) that has come out of the mouths and pens of many people once believed to be at least mildly intelligent. 

If you are saying history will prove this to be the worse President we have ever had, if you find hatred burning in your soul  (I actually know a woman who talks to her therapist of her hatred for the President), if you find yourself daily looking for negative comments and gleefully sending fictitious, ill-informed email after another to your friends, you need to look a little deeper into your Republican soul and have an honest evaluation.   I don't believe you will like what you find. 

Just because

I have always found that individuals who find the need to constantly define or discuss their position are woefully in need of reassurance in their beliefs.  I find this particularly true in today's political atmosphere. 

Some want to argue that this is an election of the size of government.  Others want to say that this election is based on jobs and other economic factors.  Others just don't like Obama, they will give you a hundred reasons why - his questionable birthplace, not enough info on his educational background, he is uppity...

Here are my thoughts

Those of you that argue we are voting on the size of government find yourself sitting on the same team with those that believe that it is the "right" of a religion to tell you how to live your life, who your friends should be, who you can marry, well you know who and what "they" are. No wonder you are constantly bring up intellectual arguments, you want to demonstrate the difference between you and your new friends. 
Resolution:  You need to get a new party - yours has been contaminated.  

You that argue we are voting on job creation and other economic factors are overlooking that the last four years the US has had had incredible business earnings.  You try to convince yourself and others that the best thing for the good ole US of A is Big Business and that humbling ourselves and bowing down to the Gods of the Fortune 500 will appease them to open up jobs here in the US.  Job creation is a problem of the US educational system - not the political party in power.  The 25% without a high school diploma will not find good jobs in manufacturing and construction as in the past to feed their families.  And many of the Red States that find themselves with high unemployment also have very high high school drop out rates.  Go figure.....

Those that just don't like Obama based on any or all of the above mentioned things,  well I won't waste my energy, please just take me off your email list with your daily dribble of hate. I have lived through eleven Presidents and do not recall ever hearing such hate-filled, mean-spirited discussions.  And they ALL begin with, "I am a social liberal but a conservative voter."    No my friend you are just a racist.

More could follow, but probably won't, I don't need to defend or define my position.  I feel damn good about my beliefs.

A Tale of Two Socks

While Doug and I were dating he shared a story with me about how he felt about socks and life. The story was that people were much like socks in that some found their mate and stayed together for life while others get separated in the dryer and go through life searching for the other. He was beginning to believe he was a lost sock until I came along.

This sad contemplation has led me to a rigorous sock pairing search every few months. Doug collects his assortment of unmatched socks and I go on a mission.

It is amazing how many socks get separated and no matter how hard you look, you just can't find that perfect one. It is theoretically impossible to lose a sock. Especially in our house where dirty laundry goes down the laundry chute and falls into a basket in the basement. Then magic elves (or so most of my family seem to believe) sort the clothes, wash, dry, fold and bring them back up the stairs. On most days, the clothes reappear in your drawer ready for the trip again.

So tell me, how does a sock, much less a lot of socks, get lost in this process? Last night I found seven pairs of socks. That gave me a lot of satisfaction and seem to bring peace to Doug's troubled heart. Then I looked at all the other socks in the pile and wondered how much satisfaction I could get out of throwing them out and buying him new ones. It seems to me that would be a great experience as well.

So I wonder, how much time do other people, normal ones that have not attached themselves to the sock saga, spend trying to find sock mates?

Some Dreams Do Come True

I wrote several weeks ago about having dreams and plans for the future and this weekend I had the joy of sharing the experience as a dear friend fulfilled a long time dream. After many years of training, my good friend Judy Quick was ordained as a Reverend Deacon in the Episcopal Church. The deacon is one of three distinct orders of ordained ministers (bishops, priests, deacons) in the Episcopal Church.

The ceremony took place at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, Alabama, a beautiful old structure with history dating back to a small framed church built in 1873. The ceremony was special in that two bishops presided.

The weekend activities started with Judy and her husband, Gene, hosting a dinner where I was introduced to 12 other close friends that all shared a special place in her life. Some dated back to high school, others college or from different areas of the country she had lived. And the newest friend present was the deacon from Jackson Mississippi who had mentored her as she prepared for this event. It was a lively dinner as old friends became new friends.

The next day was even a larger crowd as neighbors and church friends drove into Birmingham for the occasion. One colleague flew in from Paris, where Judy occasionally teaches a course in International Marketing.

After the beautiful, but lengthy service, we had a luncheon at the old Tutwiler Hotel. It seemed appropriate that we dinned to celebrate in a historical hotel which dates back to 1914 and houses pictures from the Civil Rights movement in Birmingham from the 1960's. The Tutwiler is known as a haunted hotel, if so, the spirits had to be pleased with the group that assembled to celebrate with Judy as she begins this new chapter of her life.

A Deacon in the Episcopal church is a servant of the church. The beginning of the deacon is said to be found in The Acts of the Apostles, chapter 6 where seven apostles are chosen to take over the care for the poor and the sick. Some consider this a step in becoming a priest, overs like Judy want to remain in this position.

Unlike a priest, a deacon can only be ordained by a Bishop ("God now calls you to a special ministry of servant-hood directly under your bishop.")

A priest wears a stole over both shoulders to remind him of the burdens of serving Christ. A deacon wears his stole over one shoulder as a towel, to remind him of his service to the community. Judy wears her sash as a queen.




Judy Quick

I Had A Melt Down at "The Club" the Other Night

There is a very small infamous community in Georgia, north of Springfield, where people for generations isolated themselves from the other communities. Inbreeding began and eventually this led to noticeable physical traits such as a diminutive statue and poor eyesight. The area is known as Tiger Ridge.

Being from Savannah I have seen people from Tiger Ridge out in the malls or around town. There is no mistaking them. So I can say with clarity that I have recently found myself thrown into a community not much different from Tiger Ridge in that people have isolated themselves from other communities and are beginning to suffer from noticeable diminished mental attributes.

The phenomenon began, I believe, with people working from home or semi-retired due to the downturn in the economy. These misguided believed they were keeping in touch with the outside world by watching "fair and balanced"news, free from the liberal press. What they were watching was sensationalism no different from the evangelistic minister screaming from the pulpit that all were damned and going straight to hell unless they believed as he did....and so they began to believe. I am also a qualified expert in this area having been exposed to every religious intolerant that came through Savannah as a small child.

What I am saying is that I know Tiger Ridge when I see it!

People I would normally respect now take every social occasion to pollute the air with their negative views and intolerance for any one who is not just like them or does not belief just as they believe. These people spend their days circulating internet stories and jokes, patting themselves on the back that some how they are superior. Most of the topics they choose to discuss at cocktail parties or across the dinner table would be best whispered in the dark as a confessional bedtime prayer to God to forgive their mean-spirited thoughts and deeds towards mankind. In their opinion the less fortunate are becoming nothing but parasites bringing down the rest of civilization, demanding from those who have worked and slayed to get ahead.......the President is an evil villain/naivete'/socialist/unlearned falsified illegal (choose all that apply).

A few days ago I sent out on Facebook a positive news story, from a respectable online source, that the US has had some success in our recent handling of Middle Eastern policies. I got back a blistering reprimand that maybe I should move to a socialist country!

On the way to "The Club" for dinner, the neighbor driving told one racist joke after another putting down all but the straight, Anglo-Saxon, blue-eyed blondes. During salads I tried to bring the conversation back to reason as I don't really believe hard working Americans are being beat out by illegals for liver transplants (I swear on my sainted grandmother's grave.....this out of the mouth of a man who partnered one of the top law firms in Atlanta). By the serving of the main course, when I saw my own mate shrinking into a diminutive statue and beginning to squint his eyes, I said as softly as possible with venom dripping out of my mouth, hysteria in my voice and possibly a steak knife in my hand......"another word and I walk out of here. I will not have another dinner ruined!"

My husband says I won't be invited to any cocktail or dinner parties any time soon by his friends or our neighbors.

I ask him to swear to that on a Bible!

Just A Mule

While growing up I would overhear my friends and cousins ask the age old question to their dad. " Am I pretty?" Each dad would of course swear that his daughter was the prettiest thing that walked the earth.

My dad was mum on these compliments.

When I finally noticed him beaming at me one day I got up the nerve to ask, "Dad, am I pretty?"

"You are as pretty as a mule with a rubber tail!" was his reply. I smiled back and decided not to ponder that answer too long. It became our little joke.

To this day I am not sure what he meant. I believe his message was that looks don't matter, at least that is how I took it. I do know that he was extremely proud of me. I do know that in times of trouble he was always there, not necessarily to solve problems for me, but to listen and to reassure me that I would work it out, or that he would be with me through the consequences if I made the wrong decision.

So now, I am not big on the compliments when it comes to looks. I have learned there will always be a younger, prettier, smarter woman in the room. BUT I am as pretty as a mule with a rubber tail and no one can take that confidence away.

Turkeys, Bears, Deer, Snakes, oh my!

Living on a mountain, no matter how tame it appears to visitors, is a different world than the city. You learn to drive down the mountain for your mail, newspapers and to take your garbage to the dump. You even learn that water is not to be taken for granted on a mountain, it has to be pumped up from the lines below and losing electricity can mean losing water as well.

There is something sweet about having to stop your car for a deer, or two or three, trying to make up their mind which direction they want to head from the middle of the road. And the occasional flock of wild turkey is also charming to watch. Even a bear from the safety of your deck or car is interesting.

I have learned to live with the tiny field mice with giant ears that make it into the house somehow each winter, although I am not overly fond of them. However, the snake curled up in my flower bed or on my walk is another thing. I have learned somewhat of poisonous versus non-poisonous, but they all give me a start once I realize they are around.

My worse nightmare happened a few years ago when a big black snake crawled into the house through an open door on a beautiful fall afternoon. He obviously had never watched animal kingdom and did not cooperate with our trying to get him to wrap around a broom handle to get out of the house. These black snakes do not seem to be scared of humans. Quite a few of my neighbors have had them visit.

Another creation I have no desire to meet is the mountain lion which roams the woods. Several neighbors have had brief interactions with these cats. Occasionally late at night you hear what appears to be the screams of a demented female. It's just the cats.....as if that is somehow reassuring.

Neither A Dreamer or a Planner Be

A few weeks ago the discussion was around my daughter sharing her dreams of getting into a top law school next year when she graduates from college. The statement was made how we all have to have our dreams

I don't have a dream. It sounds lost and kind of pathetic, but I don't. I don't know if i have ever been a dreamer. I seem to be a planner and I wonder if most of my plans don't just come about assisting others with their dreams.

I am not saying that I live to listen to the wants and needs of others and make those happen, I just think I get caught up in the day by day and your dream sounds good enough for me to adopt and see how I can help.

I am sitting in a big log home in the mountains over looking a beautiful lake. This was my husbands dream. It is a fabulous house and now it is taking a lot of time keeping it from becoming our nightmare.

My oldest daughter dreamed up being a doctor and she is. Where her dad made most of that dream come true, I still played my part in the process.

My youngest now wants to get into NYU or Columbia Law School. It is a much better dream than when she wanted to head out to LA to become an actress based on reviews of her elementary school stage experience. Now I lay away at night planning how I will be able to help her make that happen.

In the mean time I am worried I don't have a dream of my own. The only dream I think I ever had was one of living in different places every year or so. Getting to know different people, not putting down roots. Kind of sounds like a cowboy.

Of course I realize that the reality of that dream is that you would spend a lot of time by yourself. Holidays could be a bad I bet - but then you wouldn't have to cook and clean for a house full of guest either (making their dream of a Norman Rockwell family holiday come true.) On the other hand, families have a way of hunting you down at their leisure to make sure you don't get any of yours.

I dream of living at the beach, but right now it is so hot on this mountain that I can't image what the beach is like. There is that reality thing again.

I dream of a Maine cabin in the fall.

I dream of getting up and doing yoga on my back deck.........

My Thought on Science and Religion

My Thought on Science and Religion

In this house there is an ongoing argument of science versus religion with both sides looking smug and sure of their convictions. I have set by for years listening and weighing my thoughts, believing in the wonders of science but never willing to give up my prayers. Here are some of my thoughts.

Science begins with a small child learning the premise of action versus reaction and the leanings should never end. Science first helps a child explore his universe and then becomes the tool to study "the universe." There is a doctrine of science for any and everyone beginning with the very concrete love of nature and the creatures of our world to time dimensions and string theorems.

The child many times starts his religious experiences with stories of love and creation. These teachings help him/her establish a foundation of rules of right versus wrong, good versus evil and a sense of justice and injustice. These teachings give a child a sense of well being that allows for exploration and questioning. These teaching allow a child to grow.

So my belief is that science and religion are not opposing camps, but the same camp. Either taken to the extreme is harmful to our development and well being. Religion taken to the extreme promotes ignorance and intolerance. Science taken to the extreme promotes intolerance and anger.

More on this later.....

Lila Gives Us All a Lesson on Life's Challanges

So this past week has brought changes to my little girl and her husband.
















I have witnessed my lovely daughter and handsome son-in-law move from being a young couple awaiting the birth of their first child, to parents facing scary health issues. The two of them have had to grow up fast and furious with this beautiful daughter of theirs, first having a difficult time eating and then finding out that she has a heart arrhythmia problem, which hopefully she will outgrown, but in the meantime will require monitoring and medication. They learned very quickly the fear that takes over a parent when they realize their young one is in danger. They experienced being in the Infants ICU the heartbreak other parents also have had to face with a young child. In a time when you wish only beautiful days and sleep-filled nights, they have faced some of the ugliest realities of parenthood. And they faced it together. That is the silver lining to this cloud. Both concerned over the welfare of the other.

Today they had their first lesson on how to live with a baby with a slight, temporary (we have faith) heart condition. I saw them smile up at each other while they were monitoring her heart and saw the love in their eyes, for each other and the baby they created. It was a joy to be there.

Being a Grandmother

My time has come. I am a grandmother. It was nothing I really thought about, but now that it has happened it is a great thing. I have always said I would live forever and now I have the proof that I will live on.

I have had fun in picking out a "grandparent"name. After meeting Baby Lila I announced my grandmother name would be Boss Mama.

Lila came home today from the hospital. It was a long grueling birth, 72 hours trying to induce or in labor and then all of this ending in a C-Section. But we have a beautiful baby girl who seems to have no desire to learn to nurse.

Enough of the details. Being a grandmother is going to be a great experience. Unfortunately Lila and my little family live in California and I am in Georgia. I guess the airlines will get a good chunk of my retirement money.

Staying Grounded

A couple of years ago I had the experience of spending a day with a Shaman in the Arizona desert. Other than starting the day having our spirits purified by preforming a ritual of burning feathers and chanting, the majority of the day's event were centered around visiting various vortexes of the area and mediating. One of the meditations practiced had a lasting impact on me. We sat out in the desert perfectly still for a period of 15-20 minutes. We were told to image that our spines were reaching down into the earth as roots of a tree. Then we were told to understand our place on the earth and with the earth.


This might not appear to be your thing, but everyone was effected that day. Sitting there with no external noise but the wind or an occasional bird is very usual these days with busy schedules and constant accessibility. Several had visions that were interpreted by our Shaman. One of the group was scared of the experience and another was skeptical - choosing to believe in nothing spiritual. But overall, we experienced a sense of peace.

Even now when things start to get out of hand, I stop and mediate, straightening my spine and imaging myself as a tree growing out of the earth.

A couple

75th Atlanta Dogwood Festival Media Kick-Off Party

This past week we had the 75th Atlanta Dogwood Festival Media Kick-off on Wednesday night. It was a different night in that I was in the spotlight and it was Doug playing the supportive role. He did just fine.

I was all over the room to meet different local celebrities and politicians.

Of course when I went to give my welcome speech the microphone would not work at the podium so I had to walk into the middle of the room to talk (without notes).

Here I am with Alex Wan, Mary Norwood, Jamie Ensley and maybe a guy from WellsFargo.

Lil'Bean

A lovely weekend in the mountains AND Aunt Tilley's World Travels

I actually completed something I have wanted to do for a long time. I, along with a very old friend, Amye Reese Shelton, put the finishing touches on a booth at the Butler Gallery II in Clayton Ga. I have tried to think of something to in Clayton that would give me ties to the community.
And, I would have never undertaken this on my own, but it is a lot of fun doing putting things together with someone else.

Amye and I have carted antiques from her house in the back of a pickup truck, we have experienced the Merchandise Mart for the gift show and now we have it all together and can start marketing and selling our wares.

Doug has been a great help and has not complained once about the boxes being delivered. He did have a breakdown when I brought in some antiques that needed work and piled them in his neat garage, but he got over it and actually cleaned up a chair, hung a few of the heavier things in the booth and has not asked me once how I am paying for this.

Mother of the Bride

I recently went through the fun and frantic time of assisting in the planning and execution of my oldest daughter's wedding. I was mainly the dress and flower person.

The week before the wedding I went to San Francisco to help by completing any thing left on either the list of the bride or the groom. That included picking up the dress and transporting 11 cases of wine to the little town of Mill Valley where the reception took place. I decided that what-ever my daughter had planned for this weekend, her sister and I would be there, sharing in the moment. This included hair, makeup, mani/pedi and an early morning yoga class for the wedding day.


The experience was certainly one of joy. My daughter has married a great guy that has a wonderful family and we plan to share many happy times together as a blended family.

I once read where Joann Newman (actress and wife of Paul) said that she grew a little jealous of her daughters as she grew older and they grew up. I on the other hand have always been thrilled with seeing my girls grow and mature and am relishing every milestone of their lives.

All that said, I believe that having the mind set that I would enjoy this event certainly helped me have the right attitude and to enjoy the day and everything that it came with it.